It has been 19 months and over the past several I have begun to live normally again, as Vivian exhorted me to do, "to go on, and have a good life, including having another lady in my life if God provided". She knew me well and understood the importance those words would have to me over time.
I decided to help facilitate a bereavement group for 10 weeks; Tuesday will be the fourth session. Yes, watching other's new grief and pain makes me introspective but I find it is like wringing out the last drops of water in a washcloth. Not many tears are there anymore. I think it is timely and good as I have moved far along the road of making peace with all of it.
Shiloh, my golden retriever, is now nearly 13 1/2 and has lots of difficulty getting up and walking. Othewise he seems to be ok, and sleeps most of the time. He was diagnosed with cancer about 4 years ago with 6 months to live. I think God has kept him around for me. But now is the time to begin thinking about putting him to sleep.
I always wanted a large dog that was well trained and would set at my feet next to the fireplace as I read in the evenings. Vivian bought the dog, trained it well, and gave it to me as a gift. (And she was not a dog person)! Of course Shiloh is symbolic of Vivian and her affection so the thought of him dying stirs things up. I finally realized the depth of the symbolism and feelings attached to Shiloh the other day when I burst into tears while driving to work. I was grieving his future death and another step of letting go of the past.
Since that time I enjoy Shiloh much more. He is just a dog now. I think he senses my joy and I think he is actually perkier than in a long time! Dogs are amazing.
I write all of this today as life is good to me, God is in control, and my future with him is certain. Somehow this post is a milestone, and I intuitively felt I needed to place it here, now.
Wayne
I decided to help facilitate a bereavement group for 10 weeks; Tuesday will be the fourth session. Yes, watching other's new grief and pain makes me introspective but I find it is like wringing out the last drops of water in a washcloth. Not many tears are there anymore. I think it is timely and good as I have moved far along the road of making peace with all of it.
Shiloh, my golden retriever, is now nearly 13 1/2 and has lots of difficulty getting up and walking. Othewise he seems to be ok, and sleeps most of the time. He was diagnosed with cancer about 4 years ago with 6 months to live. I think God has kept him around for me. But now is the time to begin thinking about putting him to sleep.
I always wanted a large dog that was well trained and would set at my feet next to the fireplace as I read in the evenings. Vivian bought the dog, trained it well, and gave it to me as a gift. (And she was not a dog person)! Of course Shiloh is symbolic of Vivian and her affection so the thought of him dying stirs things up. I finally realized the depth of the symbolism and feelings attached to Shiloh the other day when I burst into tears while driving to work. I was grieving his future death and another step of letting go of the past.
Since that time I enjoy Shiloh much more. He is just a dog now. I think he senses my joy and I think he is actually perkier than in a long time! Dogs are amazing.
I write all of this today as life is good to me, God is in control, and my future with him is certain. Somehow this post is a milestone, and I intuitively felt I needed to place it here, now.
Wayne
1 comment:
thanks wayne for the update. we hope to see you soon.
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